This weekend was supposed to be magical.
I was going to see Hanson. Yes, Hanson. SWOOOONNNNNNN
On Sunday, they were here in Portland. It was amazing, because I actually got to mee
t Taylor & Isaac! We also met Gus Van Sant [he knows Hanson because he directs their music videos - weird, huh?]
And the concert was wonderful. Below is my friend Nicole & I singing along with them. She got to interview them for the Portland Tribune – and we were both shaky-legged and sweating. I want their entire acoustic album played at my wedding. Don’t tell Ethan.
Anywhoo – the Portland show was amazing. I fell in love all over again – I was about to die. I could not WAIT until we made it to Seattle for the show at The Moore – because the venue is so much bigger. And we all love Seattle. Well … we did. Until I fell into the pit of hell.
The first sign of tragedy was when we got to our hotel. Granted, we knew it was near the airport and wouldn’t be the most exquisite example of hospitality. We started unpacking, and shoving ourselves into our skinny jeans in anticipation of meeting the boys again.
Then, someone started jiggling our door handle.
“We are going to be murdered” my friend Alicia whispered.
I opened the blinds, and saw a barbed wire fence and a mobile home.
“Agreed” I said.
My friend Nicole went to the door and found a handy man who didn’t speak English. He said our sink was leaking, so he could fix it tomorrow if we didn’t mind the dripping noise. We agreed that we didn’t want him near us wouldn’t mind the noise. He left.
Nicole stepped into the bathroom, only to find toilet paper on the floor and that the sink did not, in fact, run at all. So – no water. We wished for non-English speaking man to come back.
We all felt fairly uncomfortable, and had only been there about ten minutes. We decided to voice our concerns to the Manager [who, coincidentally, claimed he didn't speak much English either]. As soon as we said something about someone trying to come into our room, he started yelling.
“I hear him knock. I have on film!”
“Well, then you’ll see he didn’t knock” I replied
“Non-refundable. No refunds. You leave” he said
“I have never been treated like this! Ever!” my friend Nicole yelled, and ran out.
“Our lawyer will be calling you” I replied. And left. With our key card. Fucker.
So now, we have nowhere to stay.
I started feeling sick. I figured it was because of the stress. We drove downtown and started realizing we needed help. We called to dispute the credit card charges for Nicole, and I filed a complaint over the phone with the hotel company. I manipulated as best I could – explaining that their organization was far superior to the service we had received, and that he wasn’t living up to their standards. They apologized and said they would try to reimburse her. I’m a good negotiator.
Still, nowhere to stay. I still feel sick.
We went and got a bite to eat. We decided to stay at Nicole & Alicia’s aunt’s house. She lived nearby and had a huge house with a big TV and space. I like both of those things.
When we headed into the venue, we realized the tickets were assigned seating. The three girls I was with had purchased their tickets ahead of time – so I was sitting five rows back. Alone.
I figured at least I was here – I <3 Hanson! And I could see the girls, and was texting them throughout the show. But then – it hit.
I ran downstairs to the ladies’ room. And puked. Everywhere.
I had food poisoning. Damn Starbucks egg salad!
I threw up four more times, getting up from my miserable isolated seat to run downstairs.
The guys started playing one of my favorite songs… A Minute Without You. I was singing along with my head in the toilet.
This could not get any worse I thought.
I decided to go outside to get fresh air.
I stood outside for five minutes, breathing deep. I started to feel better, and headed back inside. I grabbed my wallet to get out my ticket for re-entry. And I heard it.
“Give me all your money”
Oh my god. I’m being mugged!
I took the $60 cash out of my wallet and handed it to the white guy in the hoodie standing behind me. He ran.
I went back inside and texted the girls. “I got mugged.”
They ran out to the lobby to comfort me. I decided to push through. Because I’m a champion.
The rest of the concert was alright. I only threw up one more time. And I didn’t miss my other favorite song, “Underneath”
We drove home that night. I got some sleep.
It was all worth it. Because Hanson is amazing.
I hope you all like the videos – and note they are much better than their “MmmBop” days give them credit for.
I will NEVER go back to Seattle again. ever. Sigh.
UPDATE:
MORE VIDEOS BECAUSE I LOVE THEM, AND I KNOW YOU’RE BORED!
