she always told me I should be a writer

My Dad just called me at work.

My Auntie Vivian died today.

She has been my Nana’s best friend since they were 18.

She was a second Mother to my Dad.

She was a Grandmother to me.

She always told me I should be a writer.

I love her.

This song makes me think of her:

“a girl should be two things: classy and fabulous”

I’ve always admired Coco Chanel. Sigh.

As I embark on my new life as a graduate student, and therefore, an adult – I have a lot of thinking to do.

What will I do with my life? What’s after grad school? When will I pay off my credit card debt? How much money will I make? Do I want to move for my job? Will I have to quit blogging? Do I need to stop hanging out with pot heads?

But there is one question that plagues me.

Should I start shopping at Ann Taylor once I have my Masters?
I mean, it’s alright today that I’m wearing an extremely tight sweater with GAP jeans. But – this morning, Ethan called my breasts ’sweater puppies’ – and I can’t have a student thinking that during a conduct hearing.

But, I like Forever 21. And The GAP. And Urban Outfitters. And Nordstrom’s B.P. Department.

I don’t know if I have to leave these stores behind so I can be a classy sophisticate.

Can this and this  really be side by side in my closet?

Do I have to go from crazy party college girl to classy woman about town? What if I still want to wear my pink bubble dress when I’m a career woman? Will the Classy Lady Brigade come out of nowhere and send me to exile?

Will I have to watch my step everywhere I go? Will I have to stop making video blogs on facebook? Will I have to give up wearing sweatpants in public?

What happens to me after I’m a student? What happens after I say I have a Masters?

Ultimately, I’m scared that means that people will expect more of me than I’m willing to give. Doesn’t saying you have your Masters mean that you’re supposed to be proper and smart and put together?

I am none. of. those. things.

Help me, internettians. HELP ME!