trying to fit in

I grew up in a family that always kept up with appearances. My hair was always perfect, my clothing ahead of the curve. This was mosty my Grandmother’s doing, but some of it rubbed off on me. I’ve always been into fashion and new trends – I wouldn’t say I’m a slave to it, but I definitely pay attention.

However, I still wear yoga pants for days on end and don’t always straighten my hair before I leave the house. In fact … sometimes … I don’t wear MAKEUP for days on end.  Yes, my skin can pull it off. Don’t be jealous.

But the last two weeks, I have been out of my league.

I have been living [house sitting ... but I pretend I live] here

And it looks like this inside

And whenever I get on the elevator, rich 60 year old ladies look at me strangely. They ask if I’m new. They stare at my tattoos like they’re watching two hillbillies kiss.

And a few weeks ago when I had too much to drink and then woke up still drunk the next day and walked the dog —- they all knew. They could see me sway at the building’s dog park.

At first I was angry. I wanted to growl at them all and scream. They reminded me of my Grandmother – telling me I looked awful or that my shirt wasn’t the right color or my hair needed to be brushed.

But I decided I should take advantage for the next week. I want these snobby ladies to know I can play their game.

I’m trying to tap into my Grandmother’s head. What would she tell me? What would she do? So I have decided that for the next week I will wear only dresses and flats when I go out, and wear sunglasses so I never have to look anyone in the eye. And it’s always okay to be drinking wine – no matter what the hour.

So maybe I do fit in?

Still not sure.